Tosssing out some midseason donuts « Ol' Bag of Donuts

Tosssing out some midseason donuts

It has become a weekly tradition here to handout some of our “namesakes” to players who provided us highlights and lowlights from that week’s game. Since the Packers were on a bye week, there were no donuts to be handed out. But fear not OBOD faithful, we have decided to handout some donuts for the first half of the season, a whole dozen of them. Now this will be some good eats!

A strawberry-filled glazed donut goes to…CMIII, Claymaker, Clay Matthews. This donut is the creme de la creme donuts and there is no better receipt than Matthews. When given a box of donuts, this donuts in the centerpiece that ties the whole box together, as well as the most coveted. Without it, the rest of the dozen doesn’t look as appealing. Put on film of the Miami game to see how appealing the defense looks without Matthews.

A Bavarian creme-filled donut goes to…Tramon Williams. This is the silky smooth donut of the dozen and would be an MVP of any donut batch if the the strawberry-filled glazed donut isn’t there. Williams have made such a smooth transition to elite-level status that he is still a bit under-the-radar nationally. He truly has been the MVP of the defense outside of Matthews and his play as just been so smooth and so good this year, just like this donut.

A bearclaw goes to…B.J. Raji. This donut is the strength of the box and only the big boys even dare to maul it. No one has displayed the the strength and nastiness more than Raji so far this year, so this donut is very fitting. Also, even the big boys across the line are having second thoughts of trying to block B.J. “Bearclaw” Raji (new nickname campaign!)

A two-day old stale cake donut goes to…Mark Tauscher’s performance against Chicago. Tauscher has always been of my favorites and it is too bad his season, and possibly his career, will end on I.R. However, against the Julius Peppers Tauscher looked very immobile and old. Sure, Peppers can do that to many offensive lineman, but this performance sticks out more than any others this year.

A pumpkin donut goes to…Tim Masthay v.s. New York Jets. This better than expected donut goes to Masthay. Based on his performances, or struggles, no one could have expected Masthay’s performance against the Jets, which landed him a Special Teams Player of the Week award. Granted the wind may have helped, but in a close, low-scoring game on the road, Masthay played a very important role.

A few donut holes go to…Brandon Jackson. The thing with donut holes that once you get a taste you keep on wanting more and more, and eventually they are quite delicious. This is what we are finding out with Jackson, the more touches he gets, the more we like.

A barber pole donut goes to…James Jones. We all know what the barber pole has two different flavors twisted together so every bite tastes different. No one typifies this more than Jones. One game he is great, one game he is awful. You just never know what kind of game you are going to get from Jones.

A vanilla-glazed long john goes to…Mason Crosby’s 56-yard field goal in Philadelphia. Wearing the road white uniforms (vanilla), Crosby’s career long field goal (long john) set the tone for the season in the opening week in a tough road spot.

A disgusting sour cream-filled donut goes to…Pepper Burruss. Who is Burruss? The team’s trainer who has presided over the litany of injuries this year. He cannot be held responsible for all the injuries, no one can, but the whole situation has cast a pall over the season. The injuries get this disgusting donut and it has to get to the man who treats these.

A reduced-fat, non-glazed donut goes to…Chad Clifton. This donut has no frills, but it is healthy! Clifton has been healthy for the first time in a while and the dividends have paid off, like a healthy donut has on your waistband. In a box full of empty calories and on a roster full of injuries, you need donuts like Clifton.

A multi-color sprinkle donut goes to…Green Bay 45, Dallas 7. This donut doesn’t go out to a single player, but rather a game. So much went well in this game and quite frankly it was just so much fun to watch. A sprinkled donut is a fan favorite for every donut eater, just like an ass-whipping of the Cowboys for Packer fans.

A powdered-sugar cake donut goes to…Johnny Jolly. Why does Jolly get this donut when he isn’t even on the team anymore? Well, think about this donut. It is a mess, gets white powder on your face and no one wants it. It is basically just a waste in the donut box. Jolly was a bearclaw, now he is a powdered-sugar cake donut. Way to go kid.

-Adam Somers

3 comments to Tosssing out some midseason donuts

  • Two Jet Winston

    Dom Capers gets an ice cream-filled lobster steak doughnut that plays badass electric guitar riffs and shoots lightening when you bite it. Adam’s proofreading gets a half-eaten 3 day old gas station sugarless cake doughnut that you found at your buddy’s house and were just hungry enough to try. Get’s the job done but…

  • Homer Simpson


  • Fladriss

    I love the “bearclaw” nickname for Raji. I’ve used it several times already today since he’s playing so well.

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