Gettin’ you ready for week twelve

Where have all the good analysts gone?

I touched on it last week in my recap of the Niners game as Brian Billick’s “analyzing” drove me nuts. Seriously, can you remember a time when there were so many mediocre-to-just plain awful analysts? Who out there is even good?

Cris Collinsworth is the gold standard in my mind – a true professional. Phil Simms? Okay, he’s very good. Aikman? Not bad, provided he’s doing a non-Cowboys game. Ron Jaworski is good if he’s not discussing quarterbacks, as even Rex Grossman appears to be Joe Montana incarnate to Jaws. Yikes…is that it? It just might be.

If you can think of anyone else, please post them in the comments section.

With that out of the way, let’s tee this thing up as we at OBOD get you ready for week twelve.

(Quick note: I’ve ditched the fantasy sections. Sorry, my teams are pretty bad this year. You don’t need me screwing up YOUR life, too.)

Game of the Week

New England Patriots (7-3) at New Orleans Saints (10-0)

The Saints encounter their toughest challenge yet on the road to perfection as Tom Brady and Co. roll into the Superdome for what looks to be one of the best matchups of the year.

High-flying offenses, big-play defenses and a pair of sharp head coaches will battle it out, on Monday Night Football no less.

Game of the Weak

Seattle (3-7) at St. Louis (1-9)

What happened to the Seahawks? Just over three and a half years ago, they were playing for the world championship. Now, they’re full-on bottom feeders, trapped in a cycle of losing. With a quarterback as good as Matt Hasselbeck, as injury prone as he’s been, you wouldn’t think they’d be so bad. Yet they are.

St. Louis? Jeez, guys, I don’t have enough time to break that team down. Sorry.

Playoff picture

NFC:

Prognosis negative: Washington Redskins (3-7), Detroit Lions (2-8), Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-9), St. Louis Rams (1-9), Seattle Seahawks (3-7)

Not flatlining, but close: Chicago Bears (4-6), Carolina Panthers (4-6), San Francisco 49ers (4-6)

Stable condition: Green Bay Packers (7-4), Philadelphia Eagles (6-4), New York Giants (6-5), Atlanta Falcons (5-5)

Ready to check out, please: New Orleans Saints (10-0), Minnesota Vikings (9-1), Dallas Cowboys (8-3), Arizona Cardinals (7-3)

AFC:

Prognosis negative: Buffalo Bills (3-7), Cleveland Browns (1-9), Oakland Raiders (3-7), Kansas City Chiefs (3-7)

Not flatlining, but close: Tennessee Titans (4-6), New York Jets (4-6)

Stable condition: Miami Dolphins (5-5), Baltimore Ravens (5-5), Houston Texans (5-5), Jacksonville Jaguars (6-4), Denver Broncos (7-4), Pittsburgh Steelers (6-4)

Ready to check out, please: Indianapolis Colts (10-0), San Diego Chargers (7-3), New England Patriots (7-3), Cincinnati Bengals (7-3)

Week twelve predictions

Indianapolis (10-0) at Houston (5-5) – At some point the Colts will lose. At some point the Texans will beat the Colts. I’d love to say both will happen this week. But I am NOT betting against Peyton Manning right now. Whatever Indy needs to do to win, he’ll do it. Indianapolis 35, Houston 30

Cleveland (1-9) at Cincinnati (7-3) – Still can’t figure out how the Bengals lost at Oakland last week. I know it’s a long flight and everything…but Oakland? Really, fellas? Oh well, the Brownies should provide the cure for what ails Cincy. Cincinnati 24, Cleveland 10

Washington (3-7) at Philadelphia (6-4) – Philly’s win over the Bears last Sunday night was U.G.L.Y. While the Eagles might not have an alibi for that, they will come out of D.C. with a win this week, making them Green Bay’s main wild card competition. Philadelphia 21, Washington 13

Miami (5-5) at Buffalo (3-7) – Ricky Williams proved last Thursday night against Carolina that he’s a pretty damn good running back when he sets the bong aside. There’s something strange about this Dolphins team. They’re not very good, but they’re just decent enough to make a playoff push. That continues this week. Miami 20, Buffalo 14

Seattle (3-7) at St. Louis (1-9) – Spag’s crew is playing hard, despite having little talent. Seattle, on the other hand, looks pretty dead. Lord help me – I’m picking the Rams. St. Louis 10, Seattle 9

Tampa Bay (1-9) at Atlanta (5-5) – Tough OT loss for the Falcons last week in New York. They’ll need this one to stay alive in the wild card race. They’ll get it. Atlanta 30, Tampa Bay 14

Carolina (4-6) at New York Jets (4-6) – Things are falling apart at the seams for the J.E.T.S. I thought the Panthers were ready to enter the playoff race before they lost to the Fins last week. Honestly, both these teams are pretty subpar, but I think Carolina is just a tad less so. Carolina 20, New York 17

Chicago (4-6) at Minnesota (9-1) – Judas always struggles against Lovie Smith’s defenses in Chicago, doesn’t he? Jay Cutler is bound to have a big game at SOME point, right? As much as I want to believe these things will both happen on Sunday, I just can’t. Dammit. The Vikings will win again. Minnesota 27, Chicago 17

Arizona (7-3) at Tennessee (4-6) – My God, the Titans just keep winning. I keep thinking they’re going to fall apart once and for all, but they…just…WON’T. With that, I’m going to jump back on Tennessee’s bandwagon. Don’t doubt me. I’m crazy enough to do it. Tennessee 16, Arizona 14

Jacksonville (6-4) at San Francisco (4-6) – There are some good pieces in place for the future of the Niners. But they are clearly a year away. The Jags, much to my shock, look like they’re in this thing now. That won’t change, cross country trip or not. Jacksonville 14, San Francisco 13

Kansas City (3-7) at San Diego (7-3) – Nice win for the Chiefs, downing the world champs in overtime last week. They won’t make it two upsets in a row, though, as the Bolts are looking like the AFC’s version of the Packers (i.e., a very talented team that’s finally coming together at the right time). San Diego 30, Kansas City 13

Pittsburgh (6-4) at Baltimore (5-5) – Two teams that must, must, must win this week. Baltimore needs the win more than the Steelers do and with Big Ben rattled by that head shot he took last week, you might think that tips the scales in the Ravens’ favor. But Big Ben seems to play well in the face of adversity and I like the Steelers on the road by a razor-thin margin. Pittsburgh 18, Baltimore 17

Monday night

New England (7-3) at New Orleans (10-0) – The Pats are one dumbass fourth down call away from an 8-2 record. The Saints owe their perfect start to a few extremely lucky breaks. In other words, this is where things even out a bit. New England 38, New Orleans 34

Last week: 12-4

Overall for the season: 108-51 (68 percent)

-Chris Lempesis