An open letter to No. 4 « Ol' Bag of Donuts

An open letter to No. 4

Before we begin, I just want to point out one thing. I absolutely did not want to write anything about any Brett Favre rumors. Really, I didn’t. But then I read a story on the New York Daily News’ website, from Saturday, which gave me no other choice.

Dear Brett,

First off, is it cool if I call you Brett? I know I should probably say “Mr. Favre,” but to us Packers fans, you’ve kind of always seemed like a family member (or at least a close friend).

Anyways, what’s been up with you lately? I heard you got your release from the New York Jets last week. Congratulations are in order. Now you can sign with any team you’d like.

But I’m sort of puzzled by the thought of that. After all, didn’t you say after this past season ended that you were officially retired? Done. Finito. I mean, I know you’d said that before, too, but this time you really meant it.

So, if that really was the case, why do you care so much about being a free agent?

Is it because you’re still hoping to sign with the Minnesota Vikings, the team you’ve wanted to be a part of since last July, when the Packers told you they’d moved on and weren’t interested in you coming back?

On that note, can you believe the Packers would do that to you? I can’t. I mean, how dare they tell you they’re not interested in having you and your selfish diva act back after you told them you quit? How dare they not throw promising young quarterback Aaron Rodgers under the bus for another year of you throwing crucial interceptions in big games? How dare they treat you like a man and hold you to your word that you really were done? Yeah, I can’t figure that one out, either.

I hope your picking up on my sarcasm by now, Brett, because I’m laying it on pretty thick.

Seriously Brett, cut the bull. We all know you want to sign with the Vikings. You’ve wanted to since the beginning of this drama. See, you always thought we were stupid and that we believed you when you told people, like your pal Greta Van Susteren, that the thought of playing there hadn’t even crossed your mind. But we’re not stupid, Brett. Not even close. We know you haven’t thought of playing in any place other than Minnesota.

You look at the Vikings as your ticket to a John Elway-esque ending. And why wouldn’t you? They have a very good defense, the reigning NFL rushing champion (Adrian Peterson) and a nice, warm, domed environment for you to play your playoff games in. After all, we all saw in the 2008 NFC Championship Game just how much you hate the cold. Funny – I thought you were a tough guy.

More than that, though, you look at the Vikings as your ticket to revenge. Pure, unadulterated revenge. You seeth at the thought of Ted Thompson, Mike McCarthy and Aaron Rodgers moving on and having success without you. You want to get them back and your new team plays them twice next season. Two chances to stick it to the guys who said you were done. Sure, you could just grow up, be an adult and forget about it, but you play the game of football like a kid, so why not act like one, too, right?

And looking at the Vikings’ potential starting quarterbacks, I can see why they’d want you as well. Sage Rosenfels and Tarvaris Jackson don’t exactly scream “Super Bowl!!” Plus, their head coach, Brad Childress, probably has to win the divison and at least one playoff game in order to save his job. If I were him, I’d rather have you than either one of those two stiffs. Hey, it sounds like he’s at least kind of interested.

But here’s the thing with you playing for the Vikes, Brett: It won’t work. You will fail.

Why?

Well, there’s a few reasons. First, you arm isn’t what it used to be. Some Packers fans like to gloss over this, but even in the miracle 2007 season, your arm wore down towards the end. Your numbers slipped (six touchdowns and seven intererceptions in the last five games of the season compared to 22 touchdowns and eight interceptions in the first 11). And that was before your NFC Title Game showing against the Giants, in which you were abysmal.

The same thing happened with the Jets last season. You were good, at first, but you wore down towards the end. You had an excuse for that, though. You had a torn biceps tendon. No shame in that, but if you’re going to give this thing one more go, you should probably have surgery on it. But you won’t for some reason. Thus, your arm will heal somewhat, but not enough to endure the full grind of an NFL season. That means you’ll likely fall apart at the end.

Also, the team you’re going to won’t be your team. It’s Adrian Peterson’s team. He’ll be the man. Not you. Can you handle playing second fiddle at this point? Remember, the eyes of the Twin Cities media won’t be on you after games, but rather him. Last I checked, divas – and you are a diva – don’t like sharing the spotlight much.

Want more reasons? How about these: your new head coach is a moron, your new defense still can’t really stop the pass and you’re too undisciplined in big games (see: a large chunk of your playoff performances from 2003 on).

Oh, and as for your revenge fantasy? Keep this in mind: McCarthy knows the ins-and-outs of your game. He knows what throws you can and can not make. He also knows what kind of pressure you can handle and what kind you can’t. Add to that a talented secondary – with players like cornerback Charles Woodson and free safety Nick Collins - and a new 3-4 defense that will emphasize putting pressure on opposing quarterbacks and you get a scenario in which your old team might be getting its revenge on you. Can you imagine how embarrassing that’d be for you, Brett?

Not only that, but can you imagine having Packers fans boo you (and we will boo you if you play for the Vikings, trust me)? Can you imagine them cheering when you force that throw into double coverage, which you and I both know you will do, and Collins picks you off? No one wants to see that.

That’s why, in all seriousness, I’m asking you to do one thing: Stop. Think this over. I mean really think this over. Don’t listen to your agent, your wife or any of your other family members, all of whom seem to really stink at giving you advice. Heck, I’m not even really asking you to listen to me. I’m simply asking you to think things over by yourself because, remember, this is your legacy we’re talking about here.

You did some damage to it with your childish behavior last summer and your subpar showing with the Jets last season. But I’m willing to forget all that if you just stay down on the farm in Mississippi. If you do that, I’ll see you in Canton in five years having forgotten about everything that’s happened over the past 12 months. And I will be there, wearing one of two jerseys I own which have your name and number on the back.

After reading the last 1,200 words or so, you might think otherwise, but I’m actually a big fan. You and I even share a birthday.

Anyways, take care and I hope you make the right decision.

Sincerely,

Chris Lempesis

5 comments to An open letter to No. 4

  • akhoring

    Wow. Nice article. I own a website called SportsScribes.net where amateur writers can write sports articles and win awards and prizes.
    In fact, we are giving $100 to the best article on June 15th

    I would love it if you joined our site. You can also link your articles back to your site, which would also help you out.

    thanks,

    Ari

  • Mark Coddington

    Great stuff. I think seeing Favre fail miserably in his revenge bid against the Packers with Minnesota would probably be among the most emotionally conflicted moments of my sports-related life.

    On the one hand, I’d be so happy for the Pack sticking it to the two-faced jerk. But on the other hand, seeing a washed-up, 40-year-old Favre who once was an entire state’s sports hero get embarrassed in a misguided attempt to get back at that state would be one of the saddest events I’d ever witnessed.

    I’m still holding out hope that he stays retired; it’s the only halfway-satisfying way out.

  • Mike

    Hey Brett,

    What he said.

    Kiss my butt and Happy Mother’s Day, you moron stool-melon.

  • What Mike said…with extra emphasis.

  • [...] as Chris outlined so well on Monday, this is still about revenge. And while I think Favre is still going to lose in this [...]

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